Polar Opposite

Polar opposites, that is how I would describe myself. I can either be on or off. I either like you or I don't. You either get me or you don't. With me there is no in-between. I can be totally obsessed over something to the point that it consumes my every thought, then I can switch and have absolutely no feelings whatsoever for the thing that used to consume me. If I like a song or a show I can listen to or watch it over and over,repeatedly nonstop. Then once I've reached my limit, I'm cool no need to see or hear it again. When I'm in it, I'm in it and when I'm done, I'm done.

I have this way of knowing that things will always be alright, yet I worry about everything. Everything? Everything!!! Right now I'm worried about money, my job, my Jamaican and lots of other things. But in actuality everything is all good and I know this. I want much success, but I'm scared to try. I want long hair yet I want it cut off. The in-between thing just isn't for me. Highly complex, yet very simple. That is how I would describe wrytagirl....

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My favorite position

This is my favorite position. Laying on the couch watching tv resting and enjoying my morning, afternoon or evening. Yesterday I was supposed to do three things. I wound up doing only one of those things and I tried to get out of that but in the end I went. I must admit that I was very apprehensive about going, I had worked up the event in my head to be something it wasn't. I thought how strange to be invited to an event by someone I haven't seen in ages. Don't get me wrong I was extremely excited to be invited but as the day approached I started becoming more and more nervous. I was half dressed then I just stopped. But then I got a phone call reassuring me that it would be okay, and guess what? It was. In fact it was totally awesome, I had a really good time. And even though I just wanted to be chilling out on the couch I can honestly day I'm glad I moved from my position and into a wonderful place.

I plan on taking this new found motivation and applying it to all my lifestyle situation. I have to learn to get up from my comfy place and go out and face new situations. The outcome of the situation is based on my attitude, and if I go in thinking everything will be okay, it'll probably be better than that.

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Moving Day

Not my moving day but I am assisting my bff move from one place to another. Not really the Friday night I had planned but then I really didn't have any plans. I'm on a mancation right now, none of the men I've come across are worthy of my time or attention. I just don't want to put in the effort to really be in a relationship right now. Therefore I am on a mancation. Thank goodness I got my girls!!!

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Declaration of Independence

Look at the color or my hair. It's lovely right? I like it as well. But the shape is the hair is not my favorite. I think it reminds me of a blob. I want to chop it off, cut it into a cute style. This is the most hair I've had on my head in years and I really don't like how I look with longer hair. I don't know if I need to let it get longer or if I just need to go ahead and who it off ala Halle Berry. I don't know, but on the bright side at least now I have options. Life is all about options. I also think that sometimes life gives you too many options. And when I have too many options my head starts to spend and I make myself crazy. I've been on edge all week. Wondering about one particular thing, over and over. Then something new popped intoy conscience and that was helpful because it took my mind off of the one thing but then it was consumed by the other thought and I can doing nothing about any of it. I'm really starting to doubt everything. Everything? Everything!

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looking at me looking at me

See that girl above? Stay far away from her. At her best she's crazy at her worst she highly neurotic. She'll drive you out of your mind, that why its hard for you to find, you can't get het out of your head, miss her kiss her that girl is poison....She wants what she wants and once she gets it, she no longer wants it. She is finding herself not engaging with real people but chasing over men who aren't accessible. She's scared to make a serious relationship work afraid of rejevtio so she takes these crazy fly by night nothing relationships. Ok take a risk, put yourself out there wrytagirl. Do something unexpected.... And that's what I'm about to do.

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My mind is playing tricks on me

I am slowly going insane. I a literally driving myself crazy with my impulsive thoughts. I'm worried about my trip, I'm upset an ex is involved with a new person and I'm worried about senate bill 5. I had to check myself yesterday. I no longer want that dude, I don't like anything about him, yet when I saw him with another girl.....I was offended and hurt. But I had to remember that I didn't like him and that I didn't want to be with him. Ugh!!! I don't understand myself sometimes. I can take the simplest things and beat them into the craziness.How many times can I get the answer I want to hear? Apparantely not enough. And I just don't know why I'm so unsure and afraid to speak up or make an effort or anything at all. Okay enough I'm going to stop obsessing about everything and try and do something different. Heres to trying....

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My so called perfection

She really hates having her picture taken. Yet another way we have so much in common. I can talk to her about anything and I can honestly attribute my being alive now because of her existence. Samantha canes into my life at a time when I needed to feel needed and loved. Even though I was surrounded by people I still felt alone and lonely. Bringing Samantha into my life was the best thing I've ever done. She has shown me unconditional love from the very moment I held her in my hand. Seeing her puts a smile on my face and I feel blessed to have her to come home to. We have gone through so much together, and I do feel as if there is a bond that we share. She is as close to me as my own skin. Yes there are times I'm irritated by here or just want to spend time alone but then I have to remember that she only wants to spend time with me. The excitement she feels is because I'm back home with her or because she is going somewhere with me. All she wants is to be with me, now how can I get mad at that? Unconditional love, that is what we share and I'm glad I have her in my life.

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One Happy Girl

Oh I'm one happy girl today! I wanted an answer and I got an answer, what more could a girl ask for. I've had a lot of doubts lately and those doubts have been cleared up. In life you have to make decisions. You have to look at what is out there and decide what you want to do. Most times I've always make the safe decision, I don't want to put myself out there and risk what I have. But sometimes you really just have to put yourself out there and you just have to see what happens. I have a hard time saying things, its easier to just not and move on. A friend told me the other day that I had to ask questions, she even gave me helpful things to say. I took part of the advice at first, and I didn't get all the answers I needed. Truth is I was scared to ask because I didn't want to find out that what I thought wasn't true. Better yet I have a hard time believing what people say anyways so I go overboard pushing for more answers. This time I'm choosing to believe what was said and as such I'm one happy girl.

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Now What???

I've been on a diet for four days. I have crazy extra energy and no appetite. Goody!!! I want to look better and feel better and of course I want an easy fix so I'm back on diet pills. I'm on a wonderful combination of uppers and downers or as I call it my Marilyn Monroe concoction. I also say that when I combine the downers with alcohol. I see why people do drugs, I just couldn't see myself doing illegal drugs. Trying to go our and find a person who has what you need, usually not in the best parts of town. I like my controlled substances much better.

I'm unsure about my upcoming trip. I'm starting to wonder why I'm even going. Why am I going to visit a person I don't even talk to? We send pictures and quick emails but nothing of substance. I find myself not really talking about anything important with him because I don't want to offend him. I'm feeling really crazy right now.

But then that's nothing new.

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NO SB5

I had my red on today, as a show of solidarity. Right now the lovely governor of Ohio, the head of the state workers is trying to systematically destroy state government. Agency by agency, moving state workers out for lower paid private employees. He is neglecting to see the value purpose state workers offer. I'm a proud state worker, several years ago I made the decision to leave the private world to become a civil servant. Now my rights and the rights of my coworkers is being threatened. I see myself as a very non political person I did vote for the other person though and now I feel that I have to rise to the occasion to voice a wrong that needs to be made right.

From the start of his campaign he's stated that he wanted to dismantle state agencies, make them private so that he can produce the same work, with cheaper people. And not even a month into office that is exactly what he is doing. He won the election by two percent, but even so two percent is still a win. But I believe the win was less for him, and more so a vote against his opponent.

With so many things to be worried about, number one on his agenda is destroying the very people he presides over, less he forget he too is a state employee. I do believe he's forgotten that. There are so many reasons why what he is doing is wrong. But in my opinion joining an organization just to tear it apart is plain evil.

I don't like people, as such you'd never see me working in an area where I need to provide customer service or cater to people in any fashion. If you don't truly like the people you work with and for then why do it. In this case I believe that his outside pull is directing his agenda.

What the head of the state is essential doing is infiltrating an organization just to rip it apart. It's the equivalent of the grand wizard joining the black panthers just to kill off the members one by one.

I can't solely blame him, he always stated that he was planning the destruction of the state government. If a person tells you who they are one must believe them, we the voters of Ohio failed to believe.

I don't like talking to people, but I've called my state senators asking them to vote again senate bill 5. This bill can not pass.....I'm willing to do my part.

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Day 23

I love when a plan comes together, and I think I finally have a plan that works. Insert evil laugh now muahahahaha. One more week, I just have to wait one week to put it into play and now that I've come up with it I'm excited to see it fall into place.

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Changes

Well today was an interesting day. As the saying goes the only thing that is consistent is change, the only thing we can do is learn to adjust based on that change.

Question.....am I a published author? Well maybe not published as in I'm represented by a big publishing house (yet), but in the most generic form that I write words and those words are published, everyday right here in this blog. I believe that makes me a self publisher.

I realized right after I published my blog yesterday that the picture did not populate. Oh well, can't say I like my picture being published all that much anyway. Todays pic is me back to being curly looking happy...notice the strawberry headwrap. If I could turn back time at 18 I would have not gone to college but instead, I would have become a stripper. My stage name: Strawberry Fields. I love the color red so all my outfits would be red, or they would have big juicy berries on them. I would stay tan, thus having a reddish glow and my hair would be a strawberry blond. Okay....so I can't dance, how much dancing do I really need to do? I like the trick girls anyway so that would be my claim to fame. I would do some sort of trick that involved fire and water and viola I'm famous.

Picture it...red lights pouring down from the stage. The announcer comes on the mic "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls its the succulent and insatiable Strawberrrrrrryyyyy Fiiiiieeeelllldddsssss" and then the intro of LL Cool J's Goin Back to Cali comes on...... the curtain opens and there I am. Seductively grinding and pulsating my way to financial security.

Yep, I'd do everything different if I had the chance. But I don't, so my life is now me making the best of what I have, and well I have a lot.

Until next time..

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Valentine's

Today is Valentines, I'm not really into the whole Valentines day thing. Even when I'm with someone I just don't see the need to celebrate this day. Overall I'm not a person who wants or displays a lot of emotion. I've been accused many times of only showing one true emotion and that's anger...may be true who knows it could possible be true. I did get a surprise today, my crush sent me some pictures!!!! Live it, I so can't wait to see him. I'm not sure how the visit is going to work out, but I'm ready to see how everything is going to turn out. I'm Happy that my best friend is taking the trip with me, I'm ready....well todays picture shows a bit of red. My tribute to v-day....

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Blah's

I have a serious case of the blahs today. I woke up officially today at 3 pm. Which means that I will more than likely be up all night long.

I found this app for my phone that creates many different features. Enjoy....

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Vacations

I am in the process of planning two vacations, and so far I've done nothing. Ok well not nothing, I have booked one of the tickets. And for this trip it is surely based on a song and a prayer. For one day I'll be winging it. The person I'm going to see may or may not be there, may or may not want me and I nay or may not be staying with them.

I'm coming down with a serious case if the what ifs and I don't like it one bit. What if he's not there, what if he doesn't like me, what if! One thing in life is certain and that is it is uncertain. But traveling to a place, to meet someone mostly unknown is very crazy and risky. Yet I'm going and I'm nervous. In a way it is kind of exciting. One thing I wanted to learn is to be more of a risk taker, and doing this is out of my comfort zone.

On a bright note my friend is meeting up with me the next day. So for under 24 hours I'll be on my own, then my friend will be with me :-). I was explaining to het how the trip came about and how the person I was supposed to go with chicked out. I still planned on going, and she asked if I wanted her to go along. She sensed that I needed her and once again she rose up.

On another note I do sense that a new friend may not be happy with me. She is the reason I went th NY in the first place, and now she sees me going back with someone other than her as a also in the face. Am I wrong for not going back with her? I don't know. I only know that the only person I can live life for is me, and that is what I'm going to do.

I have an empire frame if mind....let the count down begin.

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I'm sleepy

Today's blog is bought to you by sleep....as in no blog today because I'm about to sleep....

Goodnight

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Do blondes have more fun????

Yeah I like to think so lol, but then I'm a sometimey blond so I guess I sometimes have fun. What I have learned is that you make your own good time. I have been in places with people where we thought that oh this looks like fun, not. Only to have a truly awesome time. That is what I like about my group of friends, we know each other well enough to accept one another as we are and that eliminates the need to put up any false pretenses.

If we do something that may not show us in our best light it doesn't matter. We are there for one another pushing that person to be their best selves. Do we get on each others nerves? Absolutely but that is the measure of friendship, being able to express how you feel and having that person pull you in if need be.

I remember this time I was driving home from the east side of Columbus and I made a wrong turn and I didn't have my glasses on so I couldn't really see and I was lost. How lost? Very. Out of nowhere JC calls me just to see how I am, and I just start crying because I'm frustrated and lost and the area was starting to get bad....(real life not for entertainment purposes, although I do see the humor). All I wanted was to go home, and what should have been a thirty minute trip was becoming the never ending journey.

JC being herself firsts asks me if I'm okay, and if I need her to come over here. Which I might add was a huge thing because she was not a driver, after over forty years on earth she had just recently got her drivers license. I explained that I was driving from the hair dresser, and that I had become lost, that I had no idea where I was and that I couldn't see. JC asked me to describe whatever I saw to her, that even though she didn't drive she knew her way around Columbus. She started joking around with me helping me relax and calm down.

I started naming off store I could make out, and then I named off a street name. She laughed and said girl you're in Southfield, go about 2 more miles then turn left and get on 71. My girl, my sister for life knew that what I needed at that time were a few jokes and mainly directions. It always struck me as funny that she called at the height of me needing assistance. Cars were honking, my eyes were blurry from the lack of vision and the tears but then she called and everything just became better.

Friendships, true friendships, like butter makes eveything better.

The picture of the day is my flat ironed hair which I just did before I started the blog. It looks blond in this pic, and lately I've been having a lot of fun.....coincidence who cares.....

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Good hair day....

What do you mean you can't see my hair? I guess that means you gotta take my word for it huh lol. Anyway let's get started....

Oh how would I describe today? Overall very good even though it started off rough. Last night I couldn't sleep so I stayed up watching Harlem Nights. Good movie lots of old school black hollywood stars. I also stayed up emailing my boo....yep starting around 9 after my hookup we started emailing one another. Okay yes I had a hook up, yours truly does have an fb. It started earlier this year and I thought it would be a one time thing, I even said as much but here it is still continuing. Which is what he alluded to, go figure. In fact things between us seem to be improving and getting better and better. Which for me is a bad thing because as the sex gets better the more attached I get. It's real easy to tell a lame to step off, but someone sexing you like you want and hell, good sex will have you staying when you should have left.

So far me staying, sticking around because of it is not even a possibility this is strictly a sexual relationship. I'm not one to kiss and write but there was a point where he was trying to kiss me and I was hesitant because I'm just getting over a cold. But he just took it. I said "You know I am still sick." And he said "I dont fucking care"....and it was great!! After always being in control it's great to have someone take control. I want this to just be what it is, friends with benefits minus the friends part but eventually things will change up.I'm a girl and sex winds up equaling catching feelings, ugh!!!

Back to the important part of the story. The man that I dream about who consumes my very being. He stared emailing me last night, I thought an earlier comment had turned him off but nope, later on we started corresponding with one another. I had to force myself to go to sleep because all I wanted was to see his name pop up on my screen. Those simple letter placed together makes me hot in places.....oh this man has me Sprung. Last words I read....his. First words I longed for this morning..... and the literary exchange continued up until mid afternoon today. Things between us are getting very good!!! The way he puts his words on my screen makes me want to write a never ending journal about rocks, yeah he's that good. At least in my mind he's that good. Distance and the unknown separate us from knowing the perception over the reality.

Any who...Yay is all I can say, as his words brightened my day. I'm so not the poet lol.

What about fb? What about him, he holds a place a well, just not the space. Sex is a primal need, love is further up.....and we aint even there.

Even though my day started off crappy, due to lack of sleep and yet again spilling coffee all over myself, it ended up being a good day. The effect that just seeing those 13 letters has on me is undeniable. Happiness.

To the pursuitof happiness

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uggghhhh

Life is strange, what I want I can't have and I'm not sure there is something on the end that wants me like that, I'm not sure I want to be wanted right now, even by the one I thought I wanted to want me.

Did that make sense? With the Jamaican things just seem off. Communication is stalled and I'm worried about going to see him next month. I don't know what is going to happen but right now it just seems like the semi connection we did have is anything but now. Or maybe it never was there and I being the hopeless romantic I just made a chance encounter out to be more than what it was.....a chance to fuck in a different place. He may have only seen me as a conquest. I may have been that had sex taken place...it didn't so now I'm the girl who missed out, but I want that happily ever after. I'm going to get that happily ever after....don't stop get it get it. And even if you don't get it have fun along the way lol.

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14.....A Bronx Tale

I'm sitting here at home watching movies. Currently I'm watching A Bronx Tale. I've been wanting to see this movie for years now and today I finally watched it. Only to find out that the book I'm writing, well that book and this movie are very similar. Life is funny that way. There is nothing that someone is thinking about doing that someone else has not already done it thought about doing, its the person who gets there first that gets the glory. My novel is the new updated version of A Bronx Tale, but can it be a remake if you were unaware of the original in the first place, but then I had to somewhat be aware of the movie because I was being drawn to watch it, right. Subconsciously conscience??? I don't know.

What I do know is I have the ability to bring things to me by power of thought. Good things, bad things if I think about it enough in my subconscious mind it becomes my reality. I can draw things I want to me, a power I just realized lately but will try and harvest for my future. I will work on eliminating my subconscious bad thoughts and bring more blessings to my life.

Until tomorrow :-)

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Day 13

I'm still sick. And it sucks. I'm achy and my ears are stuffy. Samantha is drivng me crazy with her neediness and I just want to feel better.

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I'm sick

No blog today.....I look and feel like crap.

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Day 10

This picture really shows how I feel. Ugh!!! I'm so ready for a change, so ready to get my life together, and this photo shows a true represenative of how I feel. I woke up this morning with very straight hair and thoughts that I looked good going into work. My hair somehow poofed and well my look is just okay. I've been sitting here wanting ice cream but after seeing this picture the last thing I want is ice cream.

My new goal, starting today is to get myself in better shape. So not only will this blog be a self portrait of my various looks it will also document my weight loss. Lets hope the pictures tell the accurate truth....

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Day 9

Oh February, why must you do me so dirty? Today started off on a bad note and it didn't get any better. Here is what happened in a nut shell. I tried to bring my coffee into work today, but I've been having an issue with the coffee spilling. So I took an extra precaution of placing my mug in a plastic bag so that in the case anything happened I would be protected. As I'm sitting on the bus with my bookbag on my lap, I feel wetness. I check my bag and from the top it looked okay so I thought it just had to be left over water from the day before. Wrong the extreme wet lap in the freezing cold was a result of the coffee mug. And the plastic bag, well there was a hole in the bottom of the bag.....lovely ground hog day

See ya tomorrow

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Day 8

Hello Cleveland.....and all the rest of the places that have people reside in that read my blog. My guess is the only other place so far would be Columbus. But then as the marketing major I am I am failing at the four p's. I'm not pushing my product. Well in the future I'll do much better.

I must say that I'm only on day eight of the blog and I already feel like it's bothersome. I look forward to and dread this blog at the same time. At least it is helping me keep up my writing. And if I want to be a writer, well I have to write.

I'm watching Serendipity in bed hence the picture of me in bed lol.....which they say is a fortunate accident. In the movie two people meet and hit it off, but its not the right time for them at that moment. Even though they a drawn to each other it is not something that will come to furition. (At times like this I miss spell check). So they spend a wonderful day together and then part, if it was really meant to be they will see each other again.

Stuff like this only happens in movies right, right? Nope. It does happen in real life, and when it does it makes that chance encounter even more memorable. I once met a guy on a cruise. At that time I was involved with someone else so meeting anyone else was not part of my plan. But then I became friends with a person who lives minutes away from the cruise guy. But I didn't know that at the time. She asks me to go home with her and guess what, a second encounter takes place. The chemistry between us is magical at worst and everything that sparkels and glitters at best. Everything just felt right, as if this was the person I was meant to be with.

Right now this is still a work in progress, I dont know if things will work out between us. But our serendipitious meeting will always be special.

Goodbye Cleveland!!!

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