Sunday, October 10, 2010


When faced with something new what do you do?

Thursday, May 6, 2010

wrytagirl is on vacation :~)

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Excerpt of my book "World's Apart"

Dominic made the decision that today he and his crew were going to have a day off. He watched the news daily, it was something he had picked up from his father and grandfather. They always told him “Dominic it’s important to know what’s going on around you, watch not only the local news but also the world news, in our line of business not knowing what is going on with the state of the world can cost you and our family it’s life.” He knew that being sloppy was not an option, and in his line of business there was no room for errors. Being sloppy could land him in one of two places, dead or in jail. He certainly didn’t want to end up in either of these locations. He was still a new to the drug game, and he had moved quickly from pushing drugs to distribution. His grandfather had learned about Dominic being out on the corner as a random low level street hustler, and decided that his grandson, a legitimate carrier of the Santino name would not be out on some corner selling drugs, that if he were to sell drugs he would need to be in a position of importance and power. After Sonny left, Dominic needed a way to make money fast, and he needed a lot in a quick period of time. With his father gone he had no choice but to go out and make money to support the lifestyle he was accustomed to. Things like having a place to stay, with running water and electricity were important to him. Dominic knew that no Santino ever asked for a fucking handout, as he father had reminded him as he walked out the door. At sixteen his grandfather was already a father, and was taking care of his family. He also knew that at sixteen his own father had enlisted in the Army, and started providing income of his own, so was it to far to assume that he to could make a way out of no way? He had sold drugs before under the guidance of his uncles’. Dominic experienced success with his endeavors in the drug game. He was able to sell enough to keep some change in his pocket and to buy his girls things to impress them. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to go out and get a real job and still get his education. How was he supposed to work, go to school and study at the same time? For the amount of money it would take to run the household he would have to work full time, killing himself just to make ends meet, then to think about having something left over, that would be impossible. Food, clothing, electricity, heat, transportation, all those things cost, and he knew working a minimum wage job would not be the answer. Fuck it he thought, I’ll still go to school and hustle just to cover the rent and bills. Dominic knew from the past that his best customers were the rich white kids that went to his school. Most people thought that the only people that popped pills and did coke were the feigns they saw on the street. He knew better, he knew that these spoiled suburban kids were his best assets and offered him unlimited income potential. I can do both, yeah he thought I can and will do both. And so he did, for a few months. He went to school and sold drugs, but doing both only gave him money to cover his expenses, nothing more. He figured that he would need to stop going to all his classes to devote more time to selling if he wanted to really make some cash. There were a few classes he didn’t need so he figured he’d just skip those classes, before long he made the decision to skip all his classes. Who needed history anyway? Not him, not when he needed to know how to figure out how to live today. The five day weather update on the local news stated that today was going to be the hottest day of the summer so far and the last thing he wanted was to be driving all around in that kind of heat. For weeks he had been driving all around Ohio and Michigan distributing his product and collecting his profits, most distributors had people that made these runs, but Dominic made the decision that he wanted to get to know the people he was working with, top to bottom. He didn’t trust anyone to handle his business, even with the Santino name and the small crew he loved liked family he still wanted to have a thorough understanding of the business, at the end of the day it was his ass on the line and he wanted to be knowledgeable on all areas of his new enterprise. I haven’t been swimming all summer long, he thought. The local pool was located right across the street from his house. All he would have to do is cross the street and then he could kick it at the pool. Maybe even get a tan so that his deep olive skin could become even more golden. People already wanted to know what color he was, this added bump in color would make his ethnicity even more of a challenge. The pool didn’t open for a few hours, that meant that Dominic had time to go in and rest up before relaxing by the pool, sometimes a plan comes into action and there is no work involved he thought to himself as he put in his favorite movie Juice and laid on the sofa to watch the movie and drift off the sleep.

Saturday, February 6, 2010


Do you realize that there are signs all over the place, from stop signs, to addition signs to Nike signs and everything in between. These signs are important because they dictate to us what if any information is needed for us to know. I don't necessarily pay great attention to these signs, I just see them and relate to them as needed. Never before had I had the opportunity to take stock and heed the instructions that were in front of me.

Now I know what you're thinking what you're thinking, "why is she going on about these signs?" And the answer is quite funny. I am currently listening to a book on tape by Sherri Shepherd called Permission Slips. There is a part where she talks about wanting to buy a pair of shoes, and that if God did not want her to buy the shoes that in the process of her writing the check out, it would somehow get wet and that was her knowing that God did not want her to buy those shoes. As she was writing her last name on the check wouldn't you know it a piece of spit flew out of her mouth landing on her check right by her husbands name.

Now she got the idea from some historical biblical person who was to fight with a group of people. He wanted God to assure him a victory, so he asked for a sign. If the cloak was wet and the ground was dry well then he was to go off and fight. He wakes up the next morning the ground is dry the cloak is wet,and he thinks okay well maybe I need another sign from God just to be sure. So he asks God to give him another sign and if the cloak is dry and the ground is wet then he'll know that he needs to go into battle and will be victorious. He wakes the next morning and guess what? The cloak is dry and the ground is wet, so he assembles his army and goes into battle and is victorious.

Sherri too needed another sign and she too received yet another sign from God that she was not to buy that pair of shoes. She didn't listen and when she went to wear the shoes, wouldn't you know it something crucial to the shoe fell off rendering them unwearable. Now Sherri and I have something in common, we were both raised in the same religion, that we are no longer a part of. That doesn't mean that we do not have a relationship with God, it simply means that going to church is not something we do. Heck even when we were practicing members of the religion we didn't go to church, because they call it a Hall, and these members are quick to point out to any and everyone who will listen that they do not go to church.

I wish that people would get it through their heads that just because you go to church does not mean that the relationship you have with God is any better than someone who does not go formally buy into organized religion but ahhh I digress, this is good for another blog topic.

As she was telling her story it made me think "well if she can ask for a sign, why can't I?" I've had a situation on my mind for the past few days, it's like a dull ache that is always there not really going away, but not really coming to the forefront. Y'all remember Byron right? Well I stopped talking to him a few weeks ago. I was sick of his whole nonchalatness to our situation and thought that I needed someone more open to the idea of being with me. Hell I'm used to guys pouring on and on about their feelings for me, and I can't even get this guy to say more than a five worded answer to me. Well long story short my bff left the country and I needed someone to talk to, so enter Bryon. We had a really good week, no big blow ups and I think that things for us are finally moving in a more positive direction.

He is the type of man I need, he's not someone who I can run over and call it a day. He is someone who will call me on my shit, and is not cow towing to me which is more than likely something that I need in a future relationship. The thing is, because he's not doing the things I'm used to guys doing I needed to know if he was someone I needed to pursue or simply just walk away from. So last night as I was staying up way to late watching Notorious, and The Corner I asked God for a sign. If I woke up before a certain time, that meant that staying the course was what God wanted from me.

I wake up early this morning after staying up way to late and with the added Ambien in my system to see that the time I set was the time it was. Of course I thought well maybe it was simply my own internal body's clock doing the whole "alarm" if you will and had nothing to do with God, that maybe my being up was simply a coincidence. So I laid back down and asked God for another sign that Bryon was the one for me. But this time I didn't ask for anything specific, just a sign.

I tape a lot of shows on my DVR, I am what one would say a lover of all things TV. On Saturday mornings I like to wake up and watch The Chappelle Show while drinking coffee. Now the particular episode that taped was one that I had seen oh a good five or six times. At the time I didn't even really want to watch it again. But I decided that oh well one more time wont make it any less funny. Mind you I have seen this show a number of times but never had I ever heard the name "Bryon" on the show, and this time as clear as day one of the people on the show was named Bryon. Had this been an actual TV show the coffee I had in mouth would have been spit out at my astonishment.

To me that was as clear a sign as I could get right?....Well it appears that God really has a sense of humor, or maybe he was really trying to drive his point home. Later in the day I had to go to a commercial taping, and I was sitting in between two girls who knew one another. One girl gives the other a birthday invite for her brother's party and what was the brothers name? Bryon! This is not a common name, and the fact that this all happened today after I asked for a sign is proof that God will point you in the direction He wants you to go in, if you just listen.

All I can say is I'm listening and I'm reading the signs that are laid out for me

Until next time.....

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


When horrific events happen, it makes you re-evaluate your current life's position and take stock of the condition of the life you are living. If your world was to suddenly end as you know it, would you have lived the life you wanted to live, or did you simply live the life you allowed yourself to live. Most people are scared to take the risks needed to be what they want to be. No one says as a child in school that their dream are to work for the state of Ohio processing travel reports, yet there have been many people who have landed in that position.

Fear stops us from reaching our full potential. Fear of the unknown, fear of being judged and fear of truly becoming great and that once we reach that goal there will be nothing left to go after. So we hold ourselves back from really achieving the goals we want and therefore we are living a life that is substandard and unfulfilled by our on doing.

If something were to happen to this tiny spot I live in, I would think back to all the things I wanted to do, but was to afraid to do, with the realization that I'll never get to achieve what I really wanted to do with my life. Worrying about all the tiny things that in the end don't matter at all take up to much of our lives. We need to strive for things that make us happy, and in doing so we will create a better life for ourselves.

In a previous blog I was worried about something I had no control over. Well I did have control over most of the situation, but my actions led to the result of my becoming powerless. That thought had controlled my mind for a solid three days, and in that time none of my energy was devoted towards going after what would make me happy. Three days of wasting my time on negative energy, and three days of not living the life I wanted to live. There were things that I was in the process of going after but halted because I could not get to the place mentally where I needed to be.

I want to live a life that I can be proud of. I want to do more than simply exist. I know that worrying about things I have no control over are futile. Out of this tragedy I have learned that my actions are important and concentrating on the negative will only increase the negativity and will further derail me from the life I want to lead. I don't want to be the person saying "I hate cold weather," yet continue to live in Ohio. I want to be the person who packs up her stuff and moves to a warmer place. The tragedy in Haiti has me more focused on doing things that will improve my life, and thus it will make a way for me to improve the lives of others.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


Why are relationships so hard? I know good question right, and if I knew the answer the last thing I would do is keep it a secret. I would spread the news to everyone and thus create a better society. Seeing as how I do not know the magical elixir I am let to wonder why meeting a man/woman and then keeping said man/woman is so hard. In a perfect scenario you would meet someone, and either you like them or you don't. And on the opposite side they would then meet you and either like you or not. The two likes would get together and the did nots' would go off in search of their likes.

Seeing as how the person you liked, would like you back you would then be free to go off and live the happily ever after with the white picket fence, two point three kids, and all that good stuff. What normally happens is just the opposite, the person you like isn't really feeling you and then there is a person who really likes you to which you have no feelings for. In this situation what is one to do? Do you keep going after the person that you like but doesn't want you in return, and hope that one day they will come around and see just how wonderful you are? Or do you go with the person who really likes you and hope that eventually you will one day feel the same way about them?

Recently I decided that relationships were too much effort and therefore I was just going to play the field (so to speak) and not get so caught up on having that one special person. I didn't want to deal with anything a relationship was full of, I didn't want to care about another person's thoughts or feelings or talk to them when I really wanted to watch all the stuff taped on my DVR, I just wanted a lot of selfish me time.

This lasted for six months, when all of the sudden "poof" I started to find, lets call him Bryon, interesting. I had seen him around the building and he wasn't someone I would normally go after. We had a mutual friend so I would just give him messages to give to her. It started off very innocently, just random Hi's here and there or I would say cute little things to him, never really putting much thought into him. Then one day, I happened to run across him and he had a different look about him, one that made me re-think the way I saw him.

After that eye opening experience I seen him as I was coming back in from outside and he stopped me and we had a pretty decent conversation. He stated that he really didn't talk much to people he worked with and thus I had a mission. At that moment he could have said that my hair was on fire, because I was off on my own course of action. He may not talk to other people, but I was going to make sure that Bryon talked to me, and from there I barged into his life without taking anything else but what I wanted into account.

Never once did I think about what I was doing to him, the only thing I was thinking is the person who claimed to not talk sure is doing a bunch with me. A few weeks into the daily conversation I decided to push for more, that talking during work wasn't good enough anymore, that I needed for him to call me outside of work and thus another goal was set. It took me two tries and then he called, which was the desired outcome. Notice I only said I wanted him to call, not that I wanted to talk to him. I intentionally left my phone in the car. Here is my theory, when you want your phone to ring, sitting there in front of it does not make the phone ring. But if you leave the phone somewhere or have it turned off, voila the phone will ring.

All this time, I was only thinking about what I wanted to get him to do, I never really noticed that his name is creeping into my conversations with other people, or that I started wanting to come to work so that I could talk to him. It started off as a simple I bet I can make you do something and wound up with me catching feelings. The more I started talking to him the more I let my guard down. Then I started realizing that we had a lot in common, and even though at first I didn't see him as someone who would be my type, he suddenly looked very good to me.

Needless to say I was conflicted. I went in after and accomplished one thing, but in doing so found myself liking Bryon. Being conflicted does not set well with me, either it's yes or no, black or white and you get the picture. Here I am not wanting to be in a relationship, and then I find myself acting in a relationship manner. I wasn't being fair to Byron or myself and in the end I wound up hurting us both.

He said he wasn't into girls who played games....I started playing games. He said he wasn't into the drama, oh I brought the drama. I asked him to call, and then when he did, I didn't answer the phone, and then I never really gave a proper apology for my crazy actions. Who knew that "my bad" was not a catch all apology? If I didn't know it before I know it now that's for sure, and the funny thing is, it wasn't until my crazy actions successfully pushed him away, which is what I thought I wanted, did I realize that I really did like him and want to be a better person for him. Hell I wanted to be a better person for myself as well, but in the end I'm left liking a person who I'm not sure likes me back. And that feels sucky!!!

Now I'm not sure what to do. And the questions I have are not ones that I really want to answer. Do I really want a relationship and if so, how do I correct my previous actions? Do I just want to get him back, just to say I got him back? I don't know, but what I do know is that playing with someones emotions is not good and it backfires.

My game playing landed the ball I was playing with, squarely into his court. If he wants to give the crazy girl a chance...he will. If he knows what he wants and crazy ain't it, then I'm out. And the only option I have is to leave it alone. I could go all Tameka on him, I mean she did get Usher right? Okay your right, she also lost Usher but not before she had two kids and new flat stomach. All right I see your point, that part can be worked out...